Virginia Early Intervention Professional Development Center (VEIPD)

In early intervention, relationships are the foundation of effective support. Families invite professionals into their lives during some of their most vulnerable moments—times filled with hope, uncertainty, and a deep desire to help their child thrive. Even in the strongest partnerships, misunderstandings and moments of disconnection—known as ruptures—are bound to happen.

The concept of “rupture and repair 70/30” comes from attachment theory and highlights that healthy, secure relationships are not defined by the absence of conflict, but by the ability to recover from it. The 70/30 idea suggests that in strong relationships, misattunement or conflict (rupture) occurs about 70% of the time, while moments of perfect connection (attunement) make up the remaining 30%. The strength of the relationship lies not in preventing ruptures, but in how we recognize, respond to, and repair them. Ultimately, lasting trust is built through repair, not perfection (Tronick, 2007; Siegel & Bryson, 2012).

Relationships Are Built on Connection, Not Time

Time alone doesn’t guarantee closeness or understanding. We’ve all had relationships that span years without depth—and others that form almost instantly because we feel seen, heard, and valued.

In early intervention, this truth reminds us that authentic connection depends less on how long we’ve worked with a family and more on how deeply we listen, empathize, and collaborate (National Center on Early Childhood Development, Teaching, and Learning [NCECDTL], 2021)

As Theodore Roosevelt said, “People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.” 

This idea resonates strongly with what we know from developmental science: that responsive, trusting relationships form the foundation for learning and resilience (Shonkoff & Phillips, 2000).

Miscommunication due to tone/word choice

A provider says, “You need to put him on the floor more often,” and notices the parent shut down.
A repair might sound like: “He’s already doing so well! One way to help him even more is giving him some extra floor time each day so he can practice moving around.”

Miscommunication due to assumptions

A parent feels judged for letting their child watch TV.
A repair might sound like: “Thank you for clarifying. That makes sense. Actually, sometimes short shows with songs or gestures can be a great way to model language—would you like me to share ideas for making TV time interactive?”

Miscommunication due to cultural differences

Cultural values differ around mealtime independence.
A repair might sound like: “I appreciate learning that in your family, feeding is a sign of care. Maybe we can explore a middle ground, like letting him hold a spoon while you feed him.”

Miscommunication due to jargon/unclear language

A provider says, “It’s important to scaffold his learning experiences.” → A repair might sound like: “Sorry—I should’ve explained better. By ‘scaffold,’ I just mean giving him the right amount of help. For example, if he’s stacking blocks, you might hand him one at a time until he gets the hang of it.”

Each example reflects a shift—from instruction to collaboration, from correction to curiosity.

The Bigger Picture: Relationships Ripple Outward

Our relationships with caregivers affect every other interaction—between parent and child, and across the larger system of care. When we model empathy, reflection, and repair, we strengthen not only the partnership in front of us but also a culture of compassion within our teams and communities (National Scientific Council on the Developing Child, 2004).

Your Turn: Reflect and Integrate

As you think about your own practice, ask yourself:

F1 Practitioners build trusting and respectful partnerships with the family through interactions that are sensitive and responsive to cultural, linguistic, and socio-economic diversity.

TC2 Practitioners and families work together as a team to systematically and regularly exchange expertise, knowledge, and information to build team capacity and jointly solve problems, plan, and implement interventions.

References

Beebe, B., & Lachmann, F. M. (2014). The origins of attachment: Infant research and adult treatment. Routledge.

Division for Early Childhood. (2014). DEC recommended practices in early intervention/early childhood special education. Council for Exceptional Children.

Fenichel, E. (Ed.). (1992). Learning through relationships: The beginnings of understanding. Zero to Three.

National Center on Early Childhood Development, Teaching, and Learning. (2021). Relationship-based practices to support infants, toddlers, and families. U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, Office of Head Start.

National Scientific Council on the Developing Child. (2004). Young children develop in an environment of relationships: Working paper no. 1. Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University.

Shonkoff, J. P., & Phillips, D. A. (Eds.). (2000). From neurons to neighborhoods: The science of early childhood development. National Academy Press.

Siegel, D. J., & Bryson, T. P. (2012). The whole-brain child: 12 revolutionary strategies to nurture your child’s developing mind. Delacorte Press.

Tronick, E. (2007). The neurobehavioral and social-emotional development of infants and children. W. W. Norton.