When You HAVE TO Get Out the Door in 10 minutes… and the Clothes Come Off
“His bus comes in 10 minutes… and he took off all of his clothes!”
That was the Monday morning phone call.
My daughter was in tears. My grandson—three years old—had stripped down to his diaper. The preschool bus was on its way. My daughter only had 10 minutes.
After processing the urgency in her voice, I asked two simple questions:
- How much school has he missed this year?
- Will it really matter if he misses one day?
She calmed down enough to say that he had only missed one day all year. We ended the call with the reassurance that “One day won’t hurt. Maybe tomorrow will be better.”
A few minutes later, my grandson called me. We talked about what had just happened. He still has challenges with language and communication. Just one year ago, he wasn’t talking at all. His words are improving, but understanding a three-year-old with emerging language takes patience—and imagination. He sounded grumpy. I wondered if he wasn’t feeling well.
Sometimes behavior tells us what words cannot.
And it was.
The next morning, she texted me a picture while waiting for the bus. He was dressed—boots, favorite character coat, big smile. Routine restored.
Autism traits are prevalent in our family. Two family members have diagnosed autism. My daughter was never formally diagnosed—autism often presents differently in girls than in boys. From lived experience, I could imagine what was happening beneath the surface that Monday morning. In her mind, school attendance equals responsibility. Routine equals safety. Success equals showing up. But for whatever reason, that child was NOT going to school that day. And sometimes… that’s okay.
What Might Have Triggered the Meltdown?
For young children—especially those with communication differences—behavior is often communication. My grandson could have been communicating that he was experiencing a trigger, such as
- Sensory discomfort (the texture of clothing)
- Fatigue
- Cold weather
- Anxiety about something at school
- A change in routine
- An emerging illness
Reframing the Moment
Instead of asking: “How do we fix this?”
We might ask: “What is this child trying to communicate?”
Sometimes Support Sounds Like Permission
Families of children with an IEP or IFSP often feel enormous pressure to “get it right.” To not miss services. To not fall behind. But resilience is also built in flexibility. In that moment, what my daughter needed most wasn’t a strategy.
She needed reassurance with —
Permission to breathe.
Permission to reset.
Permission to try again tomorrow.
And tomorrow came—with boots and smiles. Sometimes early intervention is not about fixing the moment. Sometimes it is about holding space for it.
A Question for Us as Professionals
- How do we help families differentiate between patterns and one-day events?
- How do we support regulation—for both the child and the parent?
- How do we normalize flexibility within routines?
- How do we reassure families that one hard morning does not define progress?
Share how you support families in moments like this one. How to you hold that space while fostering their capacity for resilience, flexibility, and just taking one day at a time?
F5 Practitioners support family functioning, promote family confidence and competence, and strengthen family-child relationships by acting in ways that recognize and build on family strengths and capacities.
INT1 Practitioners promote the child’s social-emotional development by observing, interpreting, and responding contingently to the range of the child’s emotional expressions.
References
Arky, B. (n.d.). Why many autistic girls are overlooked. Child Mind Institute. https://childmind.org/article/autistic-girls-overlooked-undiagnosed-autism/
CDC Learn the Signs. Act Early. (2025, June 11). CDC’s Developmental Milestones. https://www.cdc.gov/act-early/milestones/index.html
National Institute of Mental Health. (n.d.). Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/statistics/autism-spectrum-disorder-asd#part_2588
The Arc of Virginia. (n.d.). Individualized Family Service Plan (IFSP-EI). https://www.thearcofva.org/individualized-family-service-plan–ifsp Virginia Department of Education. (n.d.). Individualized Education Program (IEP).https://www.doe.virginia.gov/programs-services/special-education/iep-instruction/individualized-education-program-iep
Author: Rebecca Stickler, M.Ed. is a parent to four adult children and grandparent to two. She is a Va-LEND graduate in the Family discipline. Rebecca works as a Regional Network Coordinator for the Partnership for People with Disabilities Center for Family Involvement. She can be reached at [email protected]