Featured Post: Supporting Students Going Through Roommate Conflict
This month, we are featuring a blog post from VCU alumnus, Samuel West, who graduated this past spring and served as a Resident Assistant (RA) and an Orientation Leader (OL). Check out his advice for students who may experience issues with roommates during this stressful time in the semester.
Conflict is an issue that many college students, myself included, avoid at all costs. “Oh it’s okay” or “no big deal” were phrases that I would involuntarily spout when in reality, my roommate was getting under my skin. It wasn’t until I went through my first year of Resident Assistant (RA) training that I began to face conflict head on and understand different methods for dealing with conflict.
Don’t Let It Fester. As someone who would try to avoid conflict for as long possible, this is perhaps the best piece of advice that I can give you. Instead of letting small moments of disagreement or annoyance build up over time, encourage your student to face issues the moment they occur. If I wasn’t happy with a roommate leaving dishes in the sink for the third day in a row, I’d tell them just that. If they were being particularly loud at a time that we had designated as “quiet study time”, then a quick text was all that was needed to remedy the situation. If your student is living on campus, this is the perfect time to pull out the copy of their roommate agreement they should have completed with their RA at the beginning of the year. While this agreement is not binding, it is a starting point for students to begin resolving conflict. It’s possible that some circumstances have changed since they initially filled out their agreement and they had not considered their schedule or other factors. This is a great opportunity to review their roommate agreements and make any adjustments as needed.
Respect is a Two-Way Street. It’s important to realize that everyone has had a different life experience coming into college. Some students have siblings and have been accustomed to sharing their rooms and belongings with others. Other students, like myself, were only children that have little experience sharing rooms with others. One value that my parents instilled in me is: no matter how much you may disagree with someone you should still show them the same respect as you would anyone else. While I was well aware of this value my first-year, I certainly wasn’t the best embodiment of the value that I could have been. In hindsight, it was unreasonable of me to bark demands at my roommates when I’d hit the boiling point and to expect they simply do as I say because I think I’m right.
Who to turn to if all else fails. If it seems like your student is getting nowhere with their roommate, perhaps it’s time for them to ask for help. One of the best resources for your student is their Resident Assistant (RA). RAs receive annual training on how to conduct roommate mediation. This mediation process can help resolve many of the issues roommates might encounter and it can continue to be a valuable life skill as students move through college and beyond. The point of mediation is not to punish one party or the other but to find common ground where the roommates can agree upon and build from there.
Additional Resources
Off-Campus Roommate Agreement: https://offcampus.usca.vcu.edu/resource
Residential Life and Housing Roommate Tips: http://www.housing.vcu.edu/media/housing/docs/TipsforaGreatRoommateRelationship.pdf
Categories Advice for Students & Families